| |- Monday, March 24, 2003 -| |
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orazzio @ 1:55 PM #
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Normality is perception
I woke up after sleeping for many hours. My sickness has a hold of me again. When you are not sick you can never really appreciate what pain is like can you? Its like when you slam your finger in a door. You dont know the extreme electrical burn that you are capbable of until until you are reminded by said act. My illness is a little more stealth then that.
Funnily I had gotten better. But I didnt realise it. I didnt realise it until I began getting worse again. I was enjoying small doses of sport and social occassion. The ability to walk without the retribution of pain afterwards. And so it goes on.
Then one day I felt my external body temperature escalating into frightening extremes. It was as if my skin boiled. Walking brought muscular pain again. Sleeplessness brought all sorts of problems. Sleeping brought even more problems. I am a mess again.
Its funny how I took pain free walking for granted and the ability to think a bit clearer as common place when they were in fact luxuries to me. I cant say I was completely oblivious as I appreciate any mental or physical movement that has any energy at all. Not energy as you know it but energy as I know it. A commodity so rare that your most lazy motions can become small triumphs to me.
The funny thing for me is, like a cancer patient or so many people in our society you are seen by the general public as a perfectly ordinary cardboard cut out of a human being. That is a one dimensional person standing on a railway platform like any other, or waiting for their order of fries like any other. Those around you are oblivious to the fact that standing may be an acheivment to you.
And in some ways a worse scenario may be those who have devestating mental issues which may be even more incapacitating. But agin from the outside they are a cardboard cut out person. A visual paradigm of a normal individual.
Its funny how in so many ways, peoples real wars are always fought within...
.:
orazzio
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